All the Jobs I Can Never Have

Written by: Colleen in Edinburgh

So we’re just strolling around Dublin, right? Looking for a café or a castle, whichever comes first. And we’re walking past Dublin Castle (I think. It’s hard to keep track.) and I notice that the walls outside the castle have ben freshly painted, as in within the past few weeks freshly. My brain, being the abomination that it is, immediately puts out the thought, ‘Whose job is that? Who gets to do that for a living? Who gets to say, “Oh, no, mate, can’t go to the pub tonight, gotta finish PAINTING A CASTLE.”’.

There’s more.

Cathedral Tour Guide? BAM. That’s a job I can never have. Statue Cleaner? Never gonna happen. Working for the Queen? Get outta here! The impossibilities are endless!

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk!

That’s all.

-Colleen Cakebread

Summer 2019